Live! From Los Angeles! It’s 55 minutes of filler!
Welcome to the XFactor, the results. Will it really be as predictable as we think it will? 30million votes were cast, which is like Idol on an average week. The group number has been resurrected to godawful effect. It’s a rap version of “Shout” (the Tears for Fears song) mixed with “No Diggity”. Chris Rene’s rap isn’t bad when contrasted to Marcus’. Actually, neither is Melanie’s or Josh’s for that matter. Marcus, making the producer’s preferred top three look good! Who doesn’t say he’s not performing a valuable service here? As for things I would like to shout that I could do without, we can start with the overwhelming video visuals, the dancers, the epileptic seizure inducing lights, and the harmonies on this song. Can I really download this somewhere? Why?
There will be a second season! crows Steve Jones. Why does this feel like a threat?
Let’s skip ahead to Florence and her Machine, shall we? Or as blogger spouse said “Siouxsie? Is that you?” Thankful she has chosen to leave the blackface overseas, where we can pretend it was somehow less racist. Watching her is definitely an exercise in loving the art, but not the artist’s beliefs. At least, unlike our next guest performer, she is respected as a singer.
But before we get to that, let’s find out just how predictable tonight will be. Who Steve declares safe (still insisting these are in no particular order), after the jump.
- Chris Rene. Riding back story all the way to the finale. Must be a first.
- Melanie Amaro.
So while Josh sweats out whether he too will be knocked off by the cockroach contestant Marcus, his mentor Nicole will do what she came here to really do: Promote herself and her painfully failed post-Pussycat career.
Thankfully, the truly feared performance that she could have done did not come to pass. Instead this is some extremely boring over produced piece of forgettable treacle called “Pretty.” It will not surprise those who are familiar with her oeuvre that Rachel’s sing out song was better than this. So was Stacy Francis’, for that matter. Nicole says she’s been waiting so long to be up there. Well, at least she’s honest.
I wonder if the eliminated contestant will at least be given a sing out? I only hope this if it’s Josh, of course. Steve insists this might not be the bottom two. Stop giving the Josh fans hope, you Welsh robot.
- Josh Krajick
Goodbye Marcus! Marcus isn’t sad. Of course he isn’t. He lasted three extra weeks he didn’t deserve. No matter how hard Steve pushes, and tries to make him cry, Marcus knows how lucky he was just to get this far. Those pants on the other hand, who ever gave him those to wear has it in for him. Checkered low-crotched baggy near parachute pants with a full placket of buttons. Horrifying. Steve gives him a final kick in the groin by telling him not to dare start singing and then unceremoniously dumps him from the stage, in favor of reminding us that Chris and Josh are splitting the female vote in hopes of giving this win to Melanie. Let’s see if it works.