Farewell, Season 9

American Idol Season One final results gave Idol a fledgling legitimacy, in that the best female singer won, over the mophaired “heart-throb” who wasn’t in the same league.  I remember at the time people swearing up and down that Justin would win because of the legions of female fans.  I also remember how relieved I was when he didn’t.

Well, Season Nine may have finally erased that.  Lee was outsung every time by Crystal on Tuesday, and yet last night he walked off with the crown.  Upon seeing my outrage online, a dear friend of mine who has never watched the show, but who is engaged to someone who does asked “well, wait, didn’t the gayboi you guys love last year come in second too?  And that Daughtry guy didn’t win either.  So the best person NEVER wins.”

Continue reading Farewell, Season 9


AI9 Finale

Can we talk?  Seriously, talk?

There has been a running joke over in the Gawker livechat about how stoned Lee always seems every week, and whether or not it was Crystal who smoked him out.  But last night was beyond the pale.  Everything about that boy screamed “stoned off my gourd” from the glassy eyes, to the listless body language to the inability to string together a full sentence.  Performing in front of 70thousand in house and millions at home—and Lee chose to get completely baked.  I would say those nerves, they are not conquered.  Merely dulled.  In that context, Crystal’s zen like demeanor and squinty eyes suddenly became extremely suspect.  And I was not alone in noticing this.  Ryan Seacrest, after Lee’s first song, asked him “Um. Are you ok, buddy?” and then, with the professional rug sweeping motion of a man who had found himself a million times on camera with someone a whole lot less sober than he is, smoothed it all over with a comment about how “comfortable” Lee looked on stage and ushered the show along.  Nor was it was not lost on me that Ryan used the exact same comment to describe Crystal’s demeanor ten minutes later.  Stoned.  The both of them.

As for the performances: Continue reading AI9 Finale

AI9 Top Six of Suckatude

Tonight was a night full of regrets.  The regret that if Big Mike had gone home in the proper spot, Tim Urban might have been here to smile his way through “Whose boots has you bed been under.”  The realisation that no one was doing “Man, I Feel Like A Woman”….followed by the absolute certainty that if this was last year, Adam not only would have, but he would have been fan-fucking-tastic about it.

As for what I did sit through while waiting for Glee:

Continue reading AI9 Top Six of Suckatude

Know Your Idol History

Yay!  My hometown paper is trying to sell copies crying the death of idol, while clueless attributing the end to The Lack of Paula (seriously?) and then insisting that Season Five was The Worst Season that Ever Was, both premises that are just dead wrong.

First and foremost—Idol is not a show that’s been on TV for nine years.  It’s three different shows that bore the same name, each of which has been on TV for three years.

This is my Know Your Idol History, in a nutshell.

Continue reading Know Your Idol History

AI9 Elvis Week

Non performance Notes:

Ryan’s “Dunkleman” crack: “Hosting the second Idol stage with me for Idol Gives back:  Brian Dunkleman!  (odd confused weak cheers from the audience)…….”Just kidding.”

Ryan waltzing with twittering homophobe Michael Sarver from last year.
Ryan making cracks about Adam’s fantastic tongue with Adam’s mother sitting *right* there, and the LOOK that Adam gave the camera in response.

On to the Contestants:

Continue reading AI9 Elvis Week

(I Should Have Been A Blogger)